May 192014

I have been slacking on working out lately. Since I broke my leg & ankle in January it’s been hard to find the right balance of activity to rest. My leg is still sore from about mid-calf down, especially through the sides of my ankle and the top of my foot. It tires very easily and the long drive from Oregon to Ohio took me almost a week to recover from physically.  The move itself was done on a small scale. I packed everything important and essential (scrubs, clothes, the cat, most of my kitchen stuff) everything fit in the back of my car. When I got to Nick’s and unpacked we realized there were a few things we definitely needed.

His place was the definition of bachelor pad… bare walls, over-sized TV, and minimal furniture. So we have been spending a lot of his weekends walking through big box stores looking for furniture. Man oh man, Ikea is dangerous and exhausting! I have to admit I count those trips as exercise because it wears me and my leg out. The first time we went to Ikea I was wearing flip flops and by the time I got home my ankle was puffy and I was basically couch bound for the rest of the day. The last time we went I wore my Brooks and brace and fared much better.

Once my job starts and I’m in a routine it should be easier to incorporate working out in to my week. I crave routine and balance. Right now everything is a little off kilter waiting to start orientation. Without a consistent schedule I am much more likely to procrastinate and nap. The good news is that my diet is right on track. We’ve managed to maintain a gluten free kitchen area for me and resist the temptations of soda and sugary treats. When I’m craving a treat I slather some peanut butter on top of a crunchy granola bar and call it good.

Hopefully I’ll make it out for another run this week! My goal is to run a 5k by September 13th so training has to start soon.

 Posted by at 8:00 am
May 152014

I am moving my Tuesday Timeout to Thursdays in hopes of the spirit of starting now rather than waiting a week to begin tracking again.

Weigh In: 324.6
Starting Weight: 360lbs, Previous Weight: 316lbs.  Current Loss/Gain: +8.6lbs.

Non Scale Victories:
I got a new job! Exactly a week after moving to Ohio I was hired by a local hospital. All my boxes are empty and the apartment is situated… and I went for my first run in a looooong time.

Life has been chaotic and busy lately. My focus has mainly been on getting settled and adjusting to life away from family and friends in a new state. My new job requires wearing a certain color of scrubs (goodbye all my pretty/colorful tops) so I spent quite a bit of time at the uniform store trying on different styles in the hospital approved navy. The 3x sets fit but were a little snug so I am determined to lose a few pounds before orientation starts in June.

Goals for the Week:

  • Workout or walk every day.
  • Track food in My Fitness Pal every day.
  • Take meds every day.
 Posted by at 8:00 am
Jun 302013

The sun is beating down on the Southwest region of the United States, something you may already know if you watch/read the news. What you won’t hear a lot about is the heat we are experiencing in the Pacific Northwest, which is accompanied by an unusual 100% humidity. The normal summer temperature here is 72 to 73 degrees (62-65 in town) with low humidity. Today town hit 81 and where I live hit 92. Throw in a high pollen level and having to sleep in a sun-room during the day…

I haven’t been sleeping. Not sleeping, pollen, and humidity all trigger my asthma. Struggling to breath makes me tired. I skip working out when I’m tired. When I don’t work out I stress out about not working out. There is enough going on in my life that I don’t need to stress about anything else right now!

Work has been busy, I worked 95 hours in two weeks, and was scheduled to work 107. When I got off this morning I begged a coworker to take my shift tonight and went to my Mom’s to sleep. She doesn’t live far from me so it was already 90 degrees when I got there, but she has more fans and not as many windows (I have south, east, and north facing windows – it’s more a steam room than a sun-room at the moment)… so I crawled in to bed and actually got 8 solid hours of sleep today.

Then I got up and worked out. I ran 1 mile and walked 1 mile. It felt great to be working out for the first time in NINE days. Sleeping, working out, and not working are making me feel better already. My asthma is still touchy, but hopefully I will be able to sleep at night until this heat wave passes.

 Posted by at 6:01 am
Jun 242013
The 10 days have not been all that great. Between the crazy work schedule, a change in my meds, payday, and some unneeded drama I am whooped. There ups and downs with my eating, some days were better than others. My sleep suffered so much that one day I crashed in town on friends couch instead of brave the 45 minute drive home. 

I have decided to move. The cottage I live in now is serene, and when I first moved in the distance from town was perfect. It kept me from using shopping as therapy and helped me realize how important downtime is after work. I also became much more comfortable behind the wheel, and learned to drive while tired. 

Unforgettably there are times I am simply too tired. 45 minutes each way and 12 hour shifts eat in to the time I have to sleep while home. Another reason I’ve decided to move is school. It’s time to go back, and I can’t afford the gas to drive both to work and college. After writing out a pros and cons list I decided it was time to go. Hopefully I will find out Wednesday if the place I looked at in town is mine! 

As much as I will miss the cheap rent, gorgeous yard, and quiet community I am looking forward to being less than 2 miles from my work, doctor, psychiatrist, a gym, the store, college, and my friends. Even though the rent will be more expensive, I will still be saving money on gas and laundry, since there are washer/dryer hook-ups. I’ll have to get some furniture, since the cottage came partially furnished, a dining table or desk, an end table and coffee table, rugs, oh… and a washer and a dryer. 

School, moving… It’s been a crazy week in my head and instead of running it out I indulged in food. Tuesday’s weigh-in isn’t going to be pretty. I am slowly getting myself back on track and hope to handle the upcoming changes in a healthier way. 

 Posted by at 6:00 am
Jun 192013

I drafted this post in my notebook last night at work, thinking I’d get up early enough today to write it out before work. Instead I slept until the last moment and left my notebook at home by the computer. Hopefully I can remember everything. On to this weeks Tuesday Timeout!

Weigh In: 310 
Starting weight: 360lbs, Week 1 weight: 312lbs. Total loss: 50lbs, Week 1 loss: 2lbs.
I was actually pleasantly suprised to have a loss this week. Monday was my splurge today (normally it’s Wednesdays) and I had a ton of sodium, so I expected to mantain, rather than lose. Down is good!

Non Scale Victories:

I PR’d my best mile! Driving home from work I kept going over my best mile 16:52, trying to figure out how I did it, convincing myself there was no way I’d be able to beat that PR anytime soon as my normal mile is still around the 18 minute mark. Then I got to the gym and killed it.

New PR.

Medication side effects are slowly becoming a thing of the past. I feel more like me this past week, which is hard to describe. I still feel different, but the more emotional/creative side of my brain has started to push through the the fog of the mood stablizers. I do enjoy being more productive and focused though. So this new balance is encouraging.

My expirement with individual sunteas went very well, this is something I will be repeating this throughout the summer. Crazy Week at work is almost halfway over. I failed to prepare for it as well as I should have, which has made it more stressful. If this ever happens again (working 7 days out of 8) I WILL make sure I am on the ball about packing lunches, having laundry done, and the house clean before the week starts.

Goals Recap:
Track food every day. – Succes! I tracked 6 out of 7.

Stick to meal plan. – Fail. I stuck to a plan 1 day of 7.
Work out 3 times by Monday. – Succes. I am enjoying the gym, I run faster/harder on the treadmill and don’t feel as worried about dizziness/falling as I do on the road. Having access to all the other equipment is nice too. I also get sweatier, which makes me feel more succesful.

Soaked with sweat!

Drink only water, fresh juice, tea, or coffee. (Chocolate almond milk ok as a treat) : Fail. I drank soda several times.
Stay sane: Mostly succesful, better planner would be helpful.

Week 3 Goals:

No carbonated beverages.
Work out 3 times by Tuesday.
Stay sane.
No fast food.

 Posted by at 4:29 am
Jun 142013

I burned 1,428 calories today. Which I used to have small, but amazing late birthday celebration at the river followed by baby back ribs, baked potatoes, and brussel sprouts. Turning 29 was fun, I was spoiled (my family is extremely low key with birthdays). My parents bought me a scarf, a trivet, paint brushes (yay!), and a butterfly decoration for my car. My sister is sending a new case for my iPhone, and my Grandparents always send money – which I used to buy the dress in my last post. Of course I got myself presents too, mainly my computer and a gym membership.

After we went swimming today I headed to my new gym and got everything set up. Then I ran for the first time in over a week. I’ve been so scared of getting dizzy that I just stopped trying. With some encouragement I was able to at least get on the treadmill… which of course is easier, so I ran harder and I am feeling it now! I tried out the elliptical and the stationary bike and hope to give the other machines a chance later on. This gym is open 24 hours (a rarity in our tiny community) and far from fancy, but it has the tools to get the job done. It’s right on my way to and from work, so my plan is to utilize it on my way home on work days, and then use the road on the days I have off.
It’s time to pack lunches and I am SO tired of the monotony of what I pack. Always leftovers, veggies, and salad. This week I am trying to break it up a little. Here is what I’m packing, keep in mind I eat all three daily meals at work…
Chili & Garlic Salmon with capri vegetables
Broccoli, sugar snap peas, and cheese.
Spinach and balsamic strawberry salad.
Mashed sweet potato
Lemon or Peach Greek Yogurt
Sun Tea
Hopefully the variety will keep me interested and out of the cafeteria, where I tend to make bad choices. Next week (or maybe the week after) I plan to use a meal plan from Happy Herbivore. It’s plant based and gluten free which makes it easy to stick to the type of diet I tend to function best on. I will probably keep eating yogurt (I hate soy yogurt), honey, fish, and very occasionally meat or dairy. I bought a month subscription though, so I am going to try and stick to what I paid for.
Have a great weekend!
 Posted by at 5:54 am
Jun 052013

I was doing great until I hit 1 mile, I ran the entire downhill portion of the road and was having very little problem finishing my 30 seconds of running. Then the dizziness set in and I couldn’t move without feeling like I was going to pitch forward. I paused my app and rested against the side rail of the bridge for five minutes.

Feeling a little better I took off at a walk… And fell flat on my face. To dizzy to be anything but desperate to go home I gave in and called my Mom. Then I very slowly made my way back to the railing.

I was a little over a mile from home and I couldn’t even walk the rest of the way. Furious at myself doesn’t even cover it. I was crying by the time my parents showed up and nearly fell getting in the van and could barely shut the door.

I’m home now and sitting down. Still dizzy. Still mad. Not crying. I have some theories about why I was fine Monday and awful today. Time will let me know if they are true.

In happy news I was able to switch myself over to night shift today. I stayed up until about 5:30am working on an armband to wear on my runs. I found the pattern at Cult of Crochet.

Mine came out a little different because I couldn’t find my yarn needle, but it is actually quite comfortable and stays in place!


I would have bought one but I have rather large upper arms and didn’t want to have to return something because it wasn’t wide enough around.

This was the perfect solution because I was able to adapt the pockets to fit my iPhone (I have a boxy case) and make a second pocket big enough for my inhaler and id. If you’re crafty and looking for an armband I highly suggest making your own!

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

 Posted by at 4:37 am
Jun 032013

My new meds have some wonderful side effects. I am pretty much dizzy all the time. So I have been extremely wary of going out to run and haven’t laced up my Brooks since May 16th.

I ran once in the hospital (kickbutt treadmill, need! I had to run in my Velcro sketchers though, I couldn’t have anything with laces) and since I’ve been home I’ve stuck to walking. Yesterday I wanted to run and wish I would have. When the urge came today I HAD to go. Dizziness be damned.

I ate breakfast, took my meds, drank some water and headed out. IT WAS AMAZING! I took a a new route, one my landlord told me about, it’s a little hilly and just around 2 miles. There was very little shoulder all in all only 4 cars drove by me.

The scenery was beautiful, I couldn’t ask for a better place to live. Tomorrow I am going to the loop backwards, so I am going downhill at the beginning instead of uphill at the end and see if that makes a difference on my speed.

16 weeks until the Prefontaine 10k. It’s closing in fast. I made up a training chart yesterday and started training again today.

When I first started running trying to run 30 seconds was impossible. I had built myself up to 1 minute 15 seconds but had to drop back down to 30 seconds today. It wasn’t hard, but it wasn’t easy either.

The app I am using for training gets you running a 10k in 13 weeks so I have a little wiggle room if I want to repeat a week. There is no wiggle room for missing time though! I HAVE to stay on track if I want to run the 10k instead of walk it.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

 Posted by at 12:59 am
May 202013

So far the title aptly describes the beginning of my days off. Saturday I had to call in sick and ending up spending an entire 24 hours in bed, wracked with nightmares and stomach problems. An upside to this is that a good long rest left my legs feeling great! My ankle is definitely on the mend, and my pirformis hardly feels sore.

Sunday afternoon I was able to drag myself out of bed and had a rather tearful phone call with my Mom. I felt better mentally and had a restlessness that needed to be quenched without leaving the house (in case my stomach got angry again), so I decided to conquer a few projects I’ve been putting off.

I made some quick curtains and hung them. Which made me realize that I needed to rearrange the house. It took several hours of pushing, pulling, and growling with frustration… But I love the layout now. My house is minuscule, so I am on a never ending quest to make the most of it.

While rearranging I ended up with the contents of a bookcase and a closet all over the floor. Honestly I have yet to pick most of it up. I’m tired and want to go to bed, but I can’t stand the idea of leaving the house such a mess. So I’m blogging instead of doing anything productive!

As soon as I get some sleep (and finish cleaning) I’m heading out for my 10k walk. Which means I better get moving.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

 Posted by at 9:54 am
May 182013

I opened up to friends today about how bad things have been mentally in the past few months. While getting that off my chest was refreshing, it left me feeling a lot more vulnerable. It’s hard to find balance on how much is too much when it comes to being completely honest. Thank God I have some amazing friends, and a wonderful family! Even though I felt bare afterwards, it was nice to clue these women who mean so much to me in to what is going on.

My life right now is different than I imagined. I drive a decent car, live in a pretty (albeit small) house, and manage to keep my bills paid and generally have a smidgen left over for a movie or a book every few paydays. I don’t need much, and generally don’t find myself lusting for material things. I have a support system that many people dream of, and I am on my way to a healthier me.

And I still find myself spiraling down deeper in to depression. Which makes me feel guilty. And then comes more depression. It’s a vicious cycle. Occasionally I break free, but never for very long. Sometimes I spiral up, so far up that I lose control and find myself slamming back so hard that it undoes everything I’ve previously achieved.

How do you tell people that even though you’re happy, you are depressed? I feel like such a whiner when I say that. When someone asks me how I am I smile and say it’s OK. It reminds me of when my Dad died, and very few people really wanted to hear “it sucks, I cry all the time and when I do manage to smile, it hurts”… I know from experience that grief gets better. That gives me that depression will too.

Dad has been gone 7 years at the end of this month. How vastly I’ve changed in those 7 years. I’m a grown up now. I know he would be is proud of everything I’ve accomplished and the woman I am. I do not miss him less now, but I don’t wallow in grief either. His absence has simply become a part of who I am. Some days I wonder if I’d be who I am now if he hadn’t of died. Scratch that, I KNOW I would be different. Part of my success is fueled by a pledge to honor his memory and live a full life.

When I was little my Dad lost a lot of weight by running. He went on to join the Navy, and then left to become a pastor. The pounds came back and by the time I was a teenager he was morbidly obese. When he learned he was a Type 2 diabetic everything changed. He started eating right, walking, and doing his best to honor the body God gave him to take care of. (My Dad fought a lifelong battle with depression as well, he was someone I could always talk to because he got it.)

When I lace up my running shoes I am promising to do everything in my power to live long enough to meet my grandchildren. 4 years now a miniature version of my Dad has been roaming the earth, changing my families life forever. Sometimes I look at my nephew and stare, because it is like looking at my Dad. I dream about what it would be like to see them side by side, laughing and playing with each.

I want to be there when my (someday) kids have kids. So I am going to conquer the darkness and run in the light. It’s funny how much peace training for this 10k has brought in to my life. Just 6 weeks of getting out and doing my best has given me a new reason to go on. The depression is still there. Some days it is still crippling. It won’t always be.

Tonight I had a too few many cookies and treats at a potluck. At first I couldn’t understand why I kept eating! Then I sat down and started to write and realized I was pushing food in to my mouth to give my brain something else to think about. Processing it and moving on is a much better solution.

So I am going to go home after work, sleep, and go out and get a few miles in before getting ready for another long night. And then it’s the weekend! Hallefreakinglujah. My goal for this weekend is to go for a 6.2 mile walk. No running or jogging allowed, I just want to get out and walk a 10k. I will let you know how it goes.

 Posted by at 7:59 am